i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
