Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
