i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
