i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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