If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
