some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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