You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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