Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The struggles of a small town man whore
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
