I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
