I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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