oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Randomize
