i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
