why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
