Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want nice things and good sex
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
