Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
