So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
