When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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