So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
