If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
