somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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