He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
