no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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