That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
