Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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