I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
