508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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