On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
