if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
