either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's blow job season.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
