turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't just leave with hair like that
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
