at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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