You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
