Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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