Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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