did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
