i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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