We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
