Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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