I wish my penis had an off switch
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
