Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found the puke drawer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
