Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
