I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
