I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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