I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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