I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I believe in your delicious
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
