So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
