I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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