Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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