we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
