I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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